Thursday, February 13, 2014

my valentine

this is going to be a sappy-sauce post with a side of cheese, but I can't help it when it comes this sweet man of mine. and, this blog is a bit on the lovey, cheddar cheesy side anyway, right? so, it fits.

phil and I got engaged two years ago today. 

at that time, I was so ready (and impatient? me?) for him to ask even though we had been dating for a relatively short time. I think since we had dated others a bit beforehand that we understood what we were looking for, what we needed, what we wanted. I was so happy to have found phil. before him, I would think, "what's wrong with me? why doesn't ____ like me or why don't I feel more for ______?" I'm sure that I'm not the only one who has had moments where love just seemed to be nowhere on the radar and where it just made no sense (hindsight, in that regard, has been a beautiful thing). after an internship in france though I came back feeling so good about who I was. I felt happy and brave and capable. I had a new job that gave me confidence and real self-sufficiency and made me feel full of potential. I had aspirations that warmed the future. I was joyful. life was bright. 

then along came dear phil. he would make everyone in the little scandinavian corner of our large, shared office laugh. he was amicable and happy and down-to-earth. like, ground zero. I liked that. there was something drawing about him that I didn't understand at first -- something about those curls and that easy smile. I learned a swedish greeting and said hi to him. it all began so simply. there were no pedestals that we put each other one, no expectations to disappoint. we went to a movie (a strange one full of clocks and strawberry fields?), we laughed a lot, and then he drove me home in that old, beat-up, red toyota tercel. And, so it began. 

I knew quickly that I wanted to marry him. around new year's we so very tentatively brought up the topic of marriage. I had it on my mind when I came back from christmas in california. I could hear the questioning of friends and family over break asking if we were going to get married. my grandma's question (bless her heart) was the best/worst: "laurel, do you want to bear his children??" boom! she just skipped that marriage question and went straight for the big one. I didn't tell phil about her inquisition until much later. talk about scaring a guy away, huh? but, he had marriage on his mind too. we talked about it late one night (in that old toyota tercel), the words coming so carefully and vulnerably out of our mouths as though we were entering an unknown frontier. we toyed with a date. it was surreal. 

and then we got engaged. that was two years ago today. I had no idea then the extent of what I know now: I married the very best of men. philip is a rock. he is so diligent, so understanding, so kind, so good. he is my sweet husband and simon's sweet papa. it's neat to reflect on when we dated and our engagement and how we enjoyed discovering each other and our likes and dislikes and our best stories and funniest experiences. we know all those things now (though I love when I hear his stories again and again, anticipating the laughter of someone else who doesn't know), and even though we may be past the parts full of flirt and giddiness and starry eyes and newness, I wouldn't trade in the comfort and closeness and complete trust and this love that we have built together since those beginning days for anything. it has all been part of making this wonderful whole that keeps growing, layer upon beautiful layer.   

all this to say, happy valentines to my forever boyfriend, fiancé and husband.

1 comment:

  1. laurel, this is the absolute sweetest. like, i actually got chills while reading.
    thanks for sharing, and your little family is adorable.